Ed Sheeran and Toxic Masculinity

Words are important. Their use as labels to those around us lose its importance when misapplied. This is especially true when dealing with labels that call attention to issues with the social structure that seek to undermine the hierarchies that have been created. This is why it’s necessary to be careful when we label something as toxic masculinity. 

The term “toxic masculinity” is used within the social sciences to highlight the dangers that adherence to traditional norms of male behavior represent to the male psyche. In this way, toxic masculinity describes the patriarchal hierarchy that demands masculinity be defined by strength, self-reliance, violence, sexual prowess, and overall lack of emotions. Essentially, toxic masculinity is a form of hyper-masculinity; it is not just another way of describing misogyny and any related micro-aggressions. 

Several months back, as feminist reporter wrote an article for Playboy (yep, that Playboy) declaring that Ed Sheeran has a toxic masculinity problem. She pointed to several of his songs and lyrics as proof of this issue albeit the lyrics she pointed to were not about Taylor Swift as rumored and cited in the article but instead his ex-girlfriend, Ellie Goulding, who reportedly cheated on Sheeran with One Directions’ Niall Horan, something Goulding has denied. While I certainly can understand the author’s perspective that some of his lyrics may be interpreted as misogynistic although I disagree, I would not call them necessarily toxic masculinity. Yes, these are songs that are discussing break-ups in very real terms. That is precisely what makes them not an example of toxic masculinity as the songs represent a specific emotional outlet, something that toxic masculinity would not allow with its stricture that men should not display emotional vulnerability.

However, there is still that author’s point about misogyny in his lyrics. In his song, “Don’t,” Sheeran calls out an ex for cheating on him with someone else:

Trust and respect is what we do this for

I never intended to be next

But you didn't need to take him to bed that's all

And I never saw him as a threat

Until you disappeared with him to have sex of course

It's not like we were both on tour

We were staying on the same fucking hotel floor

And I wasn't looking for a promise or commitment

But it was never just fun.

Is this a case of slut-shaming? From previous verses of the song, it is clear that, at least from his perspective, this was a committed monogamous relationship even if there was not the serious commitment of engagement or marriage. If someone violates that understanding, does it necessarily mean that the cheating party is being slut-shamed? I would argue that it does not constitute slut-shaming.  This is an emotional reaction to a real situation. 

This is also not necessarily misogynistic. Calling every time a male singer or songwriter writes about a break-up with a woman an act of misogyny would be tantamount to calling every female singer or songwriter a misandrist when she writes about a break-up with a guy. Of course, the latter happens and is an example of the influence the patriarchy has in music. Taylor Swift is consistently ridiculed for her songs about break-ups with ex-beaus. It seems that this double standard is what is really at the heart of the argument for Sheeran’s toxic masculinity. In the mainstream media, he is praised for his vulnerability while Swift is practically crucified for hers. 

Then, there is the “nice guy” and “everyman” persona of Sheeran. He often comes across in interviews as suffering from a bit of “imposter syndrome” with a self-deprecating air that some may find disingenuous or put on. Then there are the tales of his wild, drunken nights with other celebrities. The truth is that he is a young guy. He’s only 26. Who hasn’t had a wild time in their early 20s? We often place unrealistic expectations on people in the public eye and can forget that they are just like us.

Finally, for every song that people might point to as having misogynistic undertones, there are several that seem to revere the women in his life. I wrote a post several months back about the two songs on Sheeran’s latest album, Divide, about his grandmothers. These are strong women who have had a tremendous impact on his life.  However, I want to look at another song on the album that is a counterpoint to the sentiments expressed in “Don’t.” The song, “Perfect,” is a love song that I would has similarities to the Eric Clapton classic, “Wonderful Tonight.”

In the second verse and chorus, Sheeran expresses the feelings he has for this woman as follows:

Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home
I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets
To carry love, to carry children of our own
We are still kids, but we're so in love
Fighting against all odds
I know we'll be alright this time
Darling, just hold my hand
Be my girl, I'll be your man
I see my future in your eyes

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful
I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight.

This level of reverence for his lover would not fall into a category of misogyny unless you would consider a desire to have children with this woman as misogyny. These are two drastically different tones from Sheeran’s music.

So the question is this: If a man expresses anger over a break-up and the circumstances surrounding it, does that make him a misogynist or an example of toxic masculinity? I’d say no more than a woman expressing the same emotional response makes her a misandrist or an example of the crazy ex-girlfriend.