So I wanted to avoid the cliché anti-Valentine’s Day post
that is common when you’re single on this day where we’re meant to celebrate
love. It is difficult when you are single and everyone else around you is so
happy with their partners. I don’t want to diminish that feeling because I
definitely feel it as well this time of year. However, instead of lamenting
over my lack of boyfriend, I am going to put together a list of
fake boyfriends and why I love them. Although, to be honest, I have too many fake boyfriends to really give
proper due to all of them. Rather, as a colleague said when I called them my fake
boyfriends, I really should say it's an alternative fact that they are my
boyfriend, which in this case, I’m totally ok with alternative facts.
Captain America –
Steve Rogers
Now I am keenly aware that the current incarnation of Steve
Rogers’ Captain America is a Hydra sleeper agent; however, that doesn’t change
my love for the character. Among my female friends, there are a number that do
not have the same level of affection for the character as I do. They see him as
a goody-goody. They equate him with Superman (who I hate as a character). I don’t
quite see it that way. Steve constantly struggles between doing the right thing
and the popular thing. Steve is loyal to a fault and wishes to the see the best
in people. He never writes off Bucky despite the fact that he is the Winter
Soldier.
Mr. Darcy
As a young girl, I fell in love with Mr. Darcy on the pages
of Pride and Prejudice. Sure, he
could be an ass, but ultimately, he was a loyal friend and kind soul. Darcy
didn’t seek recognition for his acts of kindness. Sometimes, his actions were
ill-conceived, but they were always done with good motives. Darcy sees beyond
the superficial in life and really gets to the person underneath. It wasn’t
Elizabeth’s beauty that drew Darcy in but her mind.
Jon Snow
Jon Snow is probably one of the most admirable characters in
A Song of Ice and Fire. Like Captain
America, he seeks to do the right thing rather than the popular thing and is
willing to be sacrificed in order to do it. He is compassionate and honorable. Jon’s
word is his bond. Even when offered the one thing that he wants more than anything
(to be a legitimately recognized Stark), he refuses because of the oath that he
has taken as part of the Night’s Watch. I'd also be lying if I didn't mention how unbelievably hot it was during "The Battle of the Bastards" episode of Game of Thrones when Jon Snow (yeah I know it's an actor) is all covered in mud and blood. It's masculine without being toxic masculinity.
Daryl Dixon
I am certainly not the first woman to fall for Daryl Dixon.
He is one of the most popular characters on The
Walking Dead. Daryl is the redneck with the heart of gold. He is loyal,
compassionate, and willing to fight for what he believes in. When I first
started to fall for Daryl as a character, it was in the second season while
searching for Sophia. He never gave up hope until all hope was lost. Then that
loss broke him. Daryl is completely in touch with his emotions and wears his
heart on his sleeve.
Colonel Brandon
Colonel Brandon is a kind soul. While watching or reading
Sense and Sensibility, I am consistently angry at Marianne Dashwood for her
dismissal of him. Sure, Colonel Brandon is not as dashing or gallant as
Willoughby, but he is far kinder and more compassionate. He loves unconditionally
and is loyal above all else. Brandon is the type of man that will go out of his
way to help others simply because he can. When Elinor describes him as “the
kindest and best of men,” it is certainly the truth.
Honorable Mentions: Faramir, Gambit, Agent Phil Coulson, Leopold Fitz, Luke Cage
Now these are all fictional characters, but there are real
people that I would like to think of my fake boyfriends. Of course, nearly all
of them are British or at least not American. Here are my “Top Five” real fake
boyfriends in no particular order.
Andrew Garfield
This is the first of my many British fake boyfriends. I
think every time I see an interview with Andrew Garfield, I become more
enamored with him. He is funny, thoughtful, and incredibly intelligent. Garfield presents himself as a
man who is secure enough in his own definition of masculinity that he is
unaffected by the toxic masculinity that seems to abound in Hollywood. I first
fell for him as an actor watching a beautifully tragic film called Never Let Me Go based on the book of the
same title by Kazuo Ishiguro.
Ryan Reynolds
From our neighbor to the North, Canada, Ryan Reynolds is an actor
who clearly doesn’t take himself too seriously. He is funny in that charming
sarcastic way. Whether it’s kissing Andrew Garfield at the Golden Globes or
interviewing Hugh Jackman about the Deadpool
film, he is consistently poking fun at himself. That’s a sexy quality in a
man.
Tom Hardy
There is something that is both rough and tender about Tom Hardy.
On the surface, he seems like a guy’s guy, but he is unafraid to tackle
misogyny in the industry. When asked about what it was like to be in such a
feminist film like Mad Max: Fury Road and if he was surprised by the number of
women in a “man’s movie,” he gave a blunt “No. Not for a minute.” Add in his
tattoos and love of dogs, and I am so completely hooked.
Trevor Noah
When Trevor took over for Jon Stewart at The Daily Show, I
was skeptical; however, as time as gone on, the wit and charm of Noah became
more apparent. As a South African, his outsider’s view of the US really can
help to explore the absurdity of our current political environment. Plus, if I’m
being completely honest, I am a sucker for his dimples. Trevor Noah approaches
comedy with an almost child-like quality that is refreshing. He doesn’t shy
away from asking the tough questions and really puts his feminism on full
display. He is unapologetic as he jokes through the events of the day.
Chris Evans
Chris Evans may seem like he would be a stereotypical
dude-bro, but he is charming and funny in an unassuming way. Plus, he just
happens to like all of the same sports teams as me. I have a soft spot for just
about anyone who is a true Boston sports fan (I don’t count Trump in this
category even if he does support the New England Patriots because that’s more about
his friendships with Brady, Belichick, and Kraft than the actual team). It
doesn’t hurt that Chris is super attractive either, and he’s Captain America to
boot, a role that continuously seeps over into his real life.
Honorable Mentions: Viggo Mortensen, Tom Hiddleston, Benedict Cumberbatch, Idris Elba, Colin Farrell
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