The "Friend Zone," A Subtle Objectification

I know that we’ve all heard someone at some point indicate that either they have been put in the “friend zone” or have put someone else into the “friend zone.” This is a term that is loaded with so many negative implications. It is just another form of objectification of women that, while perhaps less severe than sexual objectification, is just as dangerous.

One of the dangers of the concept of the friend zone is that it is predicated on the idea that simply because someone is interested you should be inclined to pursue that relationship. There is a certain level of objectification inherent in this mindset. Women are seen as an object upon which to lavish affection. This takes away the agency of the woman to decide her level of involvement. She is now just the object to act upon rather a human being in a give-and-take relationship.

Surely this cannot be as bad as sexual objectification, but I would argue that perhaps this mindset is worse. Sexual objectification is fairly blatant, and therefore, it is easy to recognize. It’s not difficult to see the lack of female agency when you are being catcalled as you walk down the street. However, when you are confronted with the “nice guy,” it becomes hard to definitely say that objectification is at play in the interaction. 

So what does it mean to be objectified in this more subtle way? First, there is the idea inherent to the friend zone that a woman must simply accept the attention of a man regardless to her feelings on the matter. This goes back to the idea of women as property. Prior to the idea of marriage being for love, women were first and foremost the property of their fathers to be given away in a marriage that would be advantageous to the family. Then she would become the property of her husband. The idea of the friend zone utilizes this outdated mentality. The woman essentially becomes a prize to be owned regardless of her feelings on the matter. She is, in fact, beholden to the man showing her attention. It reminds me of when in Pride & Prejudice when Mister Collins has proposed to and been rejected by Elizabeth. He so smugly intimates that she should accept his proposal simply because it is possible that she might not receive another offer of marriage.

This attitude towards women permeates culture. There are songs about the “friend zone.” It’s become a sub-category of the love song. This is where we romanticize that notion of unrequited love. However, this has turned violent when paired with toxic masculinity and male entitlement. Just because you are a nice guy does not mean that a woman must requite your affection. Women are allowed to reject romantic intentions without feeling as though they need to do so in a way that doesn’t bruise the male ego. There are more and more instances in the news of violence perpetrated against women because she wasn’t interested in a relationship with someone interested in her. 

The "friend zone" has become a meme. Society sees women as objects so much so that it is nearly impossible for women and men to be friends without speculation about whether or not there is something more or intimations that a male friend to a woman has been relegated to the "friend zone." These intimations are usually derisions that attack a guy's masculinity.

Women have learned to navigate this objectification in subtle ways. However, the dangerous notion of the friend zone becomes more and more prevalent. This permeation of culture represents a shift in the way women are objectified. It is less subtle than the more aggressive forms of objectification, but it just as unnerving and dangerous.