Confessions of a Geek Girl Pt 5: Til It Happens to You

So our current President recently declared April 2017 as Sexual Assault Awareness month. The irony is not lost on me as he is someone who was accused of sexual assault by multiple women and even caught on video as saying that he could do whatever he wanted to beautiful women because he was a celebrity, you know the now infamous “locker room talk” caught by Access Hollywood where he said he could even “grab them by the pussy.” It’s discouraging that he has chosen to bring more awareness to this issue while simultaneously not recognizing that his “locker room” talk contributes to the environment that allows this type of behavior to continue. Rape culture is alive and well, and it doesn’t only impact women.

According to the Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network (RAINN), the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization, every 98 seconds an American is a victim of sexual assault. This averages to approximately 321,500 victims ages 12 and older each year. About 54% of the victims are ages 18-34. 1 out of every 6 American women will be the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime (14.8% completed, 2.8% attempted), while 1 out of every 10 rape victims are male with about 3% of American men experiencing an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. However, despite the large number of victims only 6 out of every 1,000 rapists will end up serving a prison term. It is a crime that is underreported for a variety of reasons.

These statistics are of course harrowing, but it becomes all the more real when we begin to talk about this problem in terms of experience. As I was recording a podcast about the Paige incident, I spoke candidly about my feelings towards those who are willing to view a sex tape and nude photos released without consent and how in my opinion it is not really all that different from someone who is willing to commit sexual assault. It’s the same type of power dynamic at play. I then revealed my own status as a victim of sexual assault and how it contributed to my feelings on the matter. While it should have come as no surprise, two of the other women on the podcast also had been victims of sexual assault. 

I was 22 when mine occurred, and I never reported it to police. He was my boyfriend at the time. I figured that it was my fault. I knew that he had a temper, especially when drunk, and I brought him into my home because he was too drunk to drive himself home after we had gone out to a local bar for the evening. I also doubted that it was actually rape because it was not completed, mostly because he was too drunk to continue. Then there was the fact that after it happened, I didn’t break up with him. Instead, I tried to go on as if nothing had happened because he had been so black out drunk that he didn’t remember the incident. I couldn’t forget the fact that when I said no, he covered my mouth with one hand while his other hand touched my body, struggling to remove my clothes. I flinched every time he tried to touch me from that night on, which eventually led to him dumping me because I was a “frigid bitch.” This experience is ultimately what led me to a string of toxic relationships as I didn’t believe that I deserved any better. 

As the statistics show, my story is not unique. For the longest time, I felt shame and humiliation, so it was something that I didn’t talk about openly. I have since come to realize that, in order to move forward in eliminating this social ill, we must first remove the stigma and stop the silence.

If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual assault, there are resources available to you. Find help and the resources you need. Call 800.656.4673