Something happened within the last couple of days that I
feel I need to talk about open and honestly. I was a part of an all-female
podcast about professional wrestling. It was a fantastic opportunity to discuss
the issues that are important not only to myself but other female fans. Because
wrestling is a male-dominated fandom, these opportunities are few and far
between. These women were awesome. We all had various levels of experience with
the industry, so it was a diverse set of opinions. But it was also fun getting to sit and talk about the issues in professional wrestling that are troubling to female fans.
Now in the last episode of the podcast, we were discussing
the unauthorized release of a sex tape including WWE Superstars Paige and
Xavier Woods and former WWE Superstar Brad Maddox. At the time of the video’s
release, I wrote a blog post regarding the issue. During this recording, I
equated the men who viewed this tape with those who commit sexual assault. I am
certainly not the first woman who has expressed this sentiment. Jennifer
Lawrence said as much when discussing the unauthorized release of her nudes
after being hacked in an interview with VanityFair. Sure, some may find it to be an extreme position, and while I
understand that it is not currently a crime, it doesn’t make it any less
violating and can lead to the same emotional response in the victim.
Not surprisingly, there were men who listened to the podcast
who felt attacked and that my view was hyperbolic and irresponsible. I don’t
believe that it is. I think of it in this way. When we look at the case of
indie wrestler Rudeboy Riley who was arrested for possession of child
pornography, we don’t see a difference between him as a consumer of this
illegal content and those who produced and distributed it. As a society, we see
all parties with an equal amount of guilt. Yet, when we look at those who view
an equally illegal video of adults, we see a difference between those who view
the content without the participants consent and those who distributed that
content for consumption. Society does not want to take the hard line that this
should be a crime. It is a violation of privacy that has had a drastic impact
on the mental state of those involved, particularly the women affected.
As for the argument that once it's out there, it doesn't matter how many people watch it, that's bullshit. It does matter because these things are released because they have an audience and money can be made. If you take away the audience, you take away the incentive to do this kind of thing in the future.
To his credit, the editor-in-chief of the podcast network
did not take the recording down despite the objections to my
statements in particular. I provided a clarification to my comments as an
attempt to mediate the situation; however, I refused to apologize because I do
not feel that I did anything wrong. I fully understand that freedom of speech
is not freedom from consequences and was prepared to accept whatever those may
be because I believe in what I said.
Yesterday, it became clear that this was not the environment
for me to be able to speak freely. I fully understand his prerogative to
operate his outlet according to his vision. He wishes to have a positive
environment to discuss a love of the wrestling community. This is a noble
cause; however, it is my belief that this cannot happen without women truly
having an equal seat at the table. To me, an equal seat at the table means to
value all opinions and the right to express them regardless of whether or not
one agrees with the sentiment. I respect his right to disagree with my opinion
and even to feel as though I was shaming those who viewed this illegally
obtained content. This is what it means to be free to have the hard
discussions.
The night when all of this started to unfold, I cried
because I felt as though something was being taken from me. I was saddened
because I felt as though I was being silenced. This is the same thing that
happens to women time and time again in a male-dominated fandom. It is not only
the professional wrestling community but nerd culture at large. Male-dominated fandoms can be an awful place for the women who dare to enter into them. I feel no
different about this than I did when I read the reactions to the women who
spoke out against misogyny in the gaming community.
Time and time again women are promised a seat at the table,
but it often comes with conditions. One of those conditions seems to be not
upsetting the status quo too much. It’s fine to talk about the negative as long
as it doesn’t outweigh the positive. We’re allowed a voice as long as we play
by their rules, and for much of my life, I did. I laughed at their jokes even
though it made me feel uncomfortable. I wrote off other women who were offended
as not having a sense of humor. I may have even engaged in the joking myself as
an attempt to fit in. I internalized the misogyny because I wanted to be the
“cool chick.”
I’m just not willing to play that game anymore, so I decided
to leave the podcast. I have no hard feelings towards those that do as they can
have an impact from the inside. I understand that this is not the easy path,
but in this situation, it was the sword I was willing to fall on. Following the
example of Captain America, it’s my duty to plant myself like a tree and say ‘No, you move.’”
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